Joke not funny

So I'm always, well not always, but I've heard of a few people who have gotten kidnapped and stuffed into a trunk. Then after this happens, the Today show has a special on "how to escape a trunk", which is useful everyday, right? Anyway, the "key" to escaping from a trunk is to punch out a taillight and stick your hand out and wave so passing cars can see someone is trapped in the trunk. Well tonight as I'm driving to the dry cleaners I pull up behind a car with a hand sticking out of the trunk! I almost run into the back of this car because I'm so focused on the hand sticking out and I start wondering what I should do. As I get closer (about as close as I can get since I've almost rammed the back of this car) I see this hand is fake! And I say out loud to myself "What the fuh". I do not find this joke funny and it is in bad taste. These people who have placed this hand there are asking for trouble because crazy people such as myself are going to see it from a distance and think it's real and call the police. Especially old people who can't see 5 feet in front of them and probably shouldn't be driving in the first place.

I almost missed the turn for the dry cleaners so I could get a picture of this stupid car.

The tooth fairy?

No, it's just Tank. He has started taking his bones (which he has several of) and hiding them in certain spots. He's been hiding them in the top of the couch (which has a crack between cushions), behind the pillows on the couch, in between my pillows on my bed, or when the bed is not made he tries to dig a hole in the blankets then ends up going under them and hiding it in there. He has also been very secretive about it, which baffles me. He will only do it when James and I are out of the room or when he thinks we aren't looking. I've caught him doing this a few times. He started hiding the bone in the cushion crack while we were watching TV in the living room. Then one day I had walked out of the living room and came back in just in time to see him pop his big head out of underneath the pillow on the couch. The other morning I was standing at my night stand putting on my earrings and watch and out of the corner of my eye I see him jump on the bed with a bone hanging out of his mouth. Then he shoves my decorative pillows out of the way with his head and then dives in between the two sets of regular pillows, still with his bone in his mouth. He was in there long enough for me to get a quick picture with my phone. Later that night before we got into bed I had James check under his pillow and sure enough, there was a bone. I'm not sure if Tank thinks he's now the bone fairy or what?

It's not a very good picture, but you get the gist of it.

Pink Dress Run

My two friends Kristin and Kristin organized the first annual Pink Dress Run to benefit the Roswell Cancer Institute. There were about 100-150 people that participated and hopefully next year there will be even more!

Uh oh

As I get out of my car this morning, I take my keys out of my purse to lock my car. In slow motion, as I'm taking my keys out, I fumble them and they slam into the ground with this loud, ear piercing sound. They hit the ground, my remote for my car starter shatters into pieces and I let out a long "ffffffffuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh" as I realize I can not get this fixed because James bought this at Circuit City, which is no longer in business. Craptastic. I then bend down and scramble to pick up the pieces as other people are parking their cars and giving me ridiculous looks. It's supposed to snow on Friday morning, so no I have to go outside and physically start my car like every other Bozo.

This pretty much explains my life

The Elevator

I work on the second floor of this building. I have the choice of taking the elevator or the stairs and as much as I loath the elevator I refuse to take the stairs. I do not like to take the stairs for a couple reasons. One, I can not make it up the stairs without needing my inhaler, which means I huff and puff all the way up. Two, I have tripped one too many times in my heels. Three, there is always someone behind me in a hurry and I feel they are so close to me they can see the grey hairs on my head. I feel these reasons are valid enough for me to skip the healthy benefits the stairs offer, such as working off that 16oz Dunkin Donuts coffee with the pumpkin spice creamer, or the cinnamon raisin bagel with regular cream cheese, just because I "forgot" to say low fat cream cheese.

But I have just as much hatred for the elevator as I do the stairs. This is solely because of the people who I have to share this 4' x 4' space with. The elevator is awkward enough due to this enclosed space and riding it with these people makes me want to cut the cords to the elevator. The ride up, which is a matter of 15 seconds, is just half the battle. The standing outside the elevator waiting for it to come back to ground level is just as painful.

For those of you who are forced to take the elevator at work, here are some tips:

1- Do not hold the elevator for me when I am still 25 feet away from the elevator, there is a second elevator, this is not life or death. Especially since I will not be walking any faster than I already am.

2- This goes both ways. If the door is closing while you are walking up to the elevator, it's because I have pushed the "Door Close" button. Do not stick your foot where the large, heavy doors are closing. These are capable of removing your leg from the rest of your body. Are you willing to sacrifice a foot just so you don't have to wait 10 seconds for the next elevator?

3- When I smile and say "Good Morning", do not look at me like I'm speaking gibberish and stay silent.

4- If you are standing in front of the floor buttons and I say "2nd floor, please", this means push the little button has the number 2 on it. Don't make me reach over in front of you after the doors have already closed, this will make me angry and I will end our elevator experience with a smart ass remark.

5- When I am on the second floor waiting for the down elevator and the doors open up, do not push me out of the way to get out, you are on the second floor, not the ground floor. I am getting on the elevator for the same reason. When I stand in the elevator and say "wrong floor" it is because you got off on the wrong floor. Get back on the elevator, do not look around like a stupid ass and ask "Is this the ground floor?". No, it is not. Pay attention to what floor you are on.

6- I feel my time in the elevator should be quiet time. This means no chit-chat with your co-worker about your disgusting cold symptoms, such as coughing up mucus and the color of your snot. Quiet time also excludes sneezing. Not because they are noisy, but because your germs have no where to go but onto me. I will now have to go sanitize my entire body with Lysol.

7- Lastly, my worst pet peeve is an extension of elevator quiet time. Do not talk on your cell phone in the elevator. Are you aware I can hear everything you are saying as well as what the person on the other line is saying? Well, I can. Your conversation can wait 15 seconds until we get out of the elevator. That way I am not forced to hear about what you are having for dinner/what time you need to pick your kids up/what Dr's appointments you have tomorrow.

Please people! Learn some elevator etiquette!

I would jump on Keith Urban given the chance.

I really would. Keith has security because of people like me who are willing to be arrested just to fondle him. But unfortunately I was not able to get close enough to touch him on Friday when we went to see him in concert. I was upset but there is always next time ;)

On a side note, my friends and I were shhh'd by an old bag in front of us. And it wasn't even us being loud! We were on the back row of the Harbour Club level and some loud, annoying girls were shouting at each other because one of them wanted to leave and the others didn't. So instead of looking to see who was being loud, this woman shhh'd the people closest to her. I told her to settle down and that we weren't the ones who were being loud and she didn't do it again. Who shhh's people at a concert?! James was in charge of the camera at this event....

Wheel of Fortune

I entered Tank in the Wheel of Fortune Pet Lover's Photograph Contest. So watch for him on Wheel of Fortune the week of November 30th. I told him he had to start earning some money to pay for the things he's chewed up/pissed/shit on. The list of things that he has chewed up consists of the bottom of my banister, the corner of a wall, some base molding, the bathroom vanity, James's collection of Maxim's, a magazine holder, several rugs, several hangers, and the list goes on. I also told him he needs to pay to have the carpets cleaned since he couldn't control himself in doors and has stained my new carpets. Hopefully this bozo will win this contest so I can get my house back to pre-Tank conditions.

26 going on 75

Last night while lying in bed watching the TEN O'CLOCK news (yes, ten o'clock, I can't even make it to the eleven o'clock news) I realized I am turning into an old woman and here's why. First I can not stay awake past 10:30pm for the life of me. I need my glasses to see 5ft in front of me, otherwise I make this squinty eye face which James tells me is pretty ugly. On my nightstand I have a reading lamp so I can read in bed, my current book (which is The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown, awesome!), a bottle of Tums for my heartburn, a bottle of Advil and a glass of water in case I am thirsty. Not to mention my orthopedic bed cushion and my 4 pillows that my chiropractor told me I should get to help my back. I am a mess and I'm obviously well on my way to the grave. My next birthday is not my 27th but my 75th.

PS I pulled out 3 more grey hairs today. So I'm also well on my way to being bald.

This is me, Eleanor Abernathy from the Simpsons, aka Crazy Cat Lady.

Brooko's Bozos

James gave this picture the title of Brooko's Bozos himself.