Kar Karma

I now believe that I have the worst karma when it comes to cars. I came out from work yesterday and some dumbass had hit my white car door with their red car door. It is so noticable and I'm sure the person just shut their door and drove to another parking spot. And I know that it happened between the hours of 2pm and 5pm because it was not there when I went to the bank at 2. Ugh. Here are some other instances of my car karma:

1. My first car was a stick shift. As I'm driving to school for the first time I kill it in the middle of the busiest intersection before the school and people are honking. Not cool.

2. A couple weeks later I get my first flat tire while I'm at school. I have to go back into school and find someone to help me change my tire.

3. I locked my keys in my car at least 4 times.

4. Someone doesn't lock my passenger side door and my CD's are stolen.

5. I hit another car in the mall parking lot because they are going the wrong way down the isle.

6. I put my car up for sale because I'm finally making enough money ($7/hr) to buy my own car. It's bought by Mexican's that don't speak english and I'm at home by myself.

7. My new car "Big Green" has a paint problem and starts to develop "cancer spots" on the roof.

8. I have many, many mechanical problems with Big Green. There is much money that is spent fixing it.

9. I've been stranded at 7-11 multiple times. The workers at 1300 East and 4500 South knew me by name. I ended up just leaving my car running in hopes that someone will steal it. No such luck.

10. I rear end a Ford Escape. No damage is done to their car but mine has a nice square hole right in the middle of the grill and the hood is bent up.

11. I buy a new Honda Civic that is a stick shift. I get yet another flat tire. The people at Dunn tire end up F-ing it up because their worker doesn't know how to drive a manual and I end up having to take it to the dealership, where they look at me like I'm retarded and don't know how to drive a manual. Nope, I do. Talk to the dillholes at Dunn Tire, whom I heard say they couldn't drive a manual, then they deny it when I call and yell at them.

12. I get rear-ended in my new Wanda Honda on an icy, snowy road.

13. My rental car is a damn mini-van.

14. My car is still not fixed after I get it back and have yet another craptastic rental, a Cobalt with no power locks or power windows.

15. On Monday, hail the size of golf balls makes nice, little, round dents in the top of my car.

16. This stupid red scratch.

17. One day James decided to put my keys in his pocket and go to school, leaving me at home to freak out and tear the house apart looking for my keys, realizing that my spare set is locked in the glove box. I had to call my friend at work to come get me. I ask James where my keys are and he denies knowing where they are. Ten minutes later I get a call apologizing that the guinea pig had put my keys in his pocket. Yeah, ok.

Tips for women

1. Aspire to be Barbie, she has everything.

2. If the shoe fits, buy one in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? Try cocktail hour with the girls.

5. When life gets you down, just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

6. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

7. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes you walk funny.

8. When life gives you lemons, turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

Amen sista!

I've been tagged......

Five things on my "to do" list this week:

1. Laundry (it's on my list everyday, James goes through more clothes than I do)

2. Clean the upstairs bathroom

3. Go to work on Saturday

4. Go to my dentist appointment :(

5. Go to pilates after work!

Five snacks I enjoy:

1. Salt and Vinegar Chips

2. Chocolate

3. Kettle Corn

4. Sweedish Fish

5. Peach Rings

Five things I would do if I suddenly became a billionaire:

1. Pay off my car and buy James a new one.

2. Sell my stupid house and buy a better, new one.

3. Pay for mine and Kristin's trip to Cancun and invite more people along

4. Give some money to "certain" family members.

5. Go shopping!!

Five places I've lived:

1. Salt Lake City, UT

2. Payson, UT

3. Orem, UT

4. Buffalo, NY

5. Amherst, NY

Five jobs I've had:

1. Taco Time - that lasted until I gained 20 pounds

2. Mimic's Copy Shop - Copy Girl

3. U of U Purchasing Dept - Clerk

4. Calder Richards Engineers - Drafter

5. Gaines Kriner Elliott CPA's - Accounting Assistant

Five things people may not know about me:

1. I love to get pedicures. They are so relaxing. Every two weeks like clockwork I get one.

2. I hate when my feet are hot. That means the rest of me is hot. I take my shoes off at work so I can cool down. Sometimes before I got to bed I have to put my feet in cold water in the bathtub or I can't fall asleep.

3. I love doing spreadsheets in Excel. I am such a nerd. I have my checkbook in Excel, I have my online bill pay schedule. I do everything in Excel. Microsoft should pay me money.

4. I am deathly afraid of bugs, especially spiders. I was bit by a black widow when I was 12 and had to have an IV for three days with antibiotics. I scream for James to come kill the bugs and if he's not home I won't go in that room until he comes home.

5. I am a compulsive online shopper. I have my credit card number saved just in case I need to purchase in a hurry. I have a problem and need to stop.

Five favorite musicians/bands:

1. Keith Urban - I stop everything when he comes on the radio

2. Rascal Flatts

3. The Police - I'm old skool

4. Chris Brown - I'm sure this is just a phase

5. NKOTB Forever!

I tag Ashley Honer, Mindi, Sara, Shanna and Ann....

Finally, I think summer is here.

We been pushed into summer. Today the high is supposed to be 92 degrees. It is wonderful. I don't care about the 65% humidity, I just want summer to be here. I am sick of sweaters and long sleeve shirts and real shoes. I want to start wearing my flip flops everywhere. Charlotte was a tease but now we have our own summer weather. Hip Hip Horray!!! I will be downtown tonight enjoying dinner on a patio that is outside in the nice, wonderful 92 degrees. ;)

A conversation I had yesterday...

Me: (asking James) What happened to my pan?

James: There may have been an incident.

Me: Oh really? Were you trying to cook something?

James: Yes

Me: Did you try to cook something in the oven?

James: Yes

Me: Did you use the broiler after I told you not to?

James: Yes

Me: Did you forget that I revoked your broiler privileges?

James: No. But I'm going to revoke my broiler privileges myself.

Me: So now that you've ruined my pan, you are going to revoke them?

James: It's not ruined. It has character now.

It didn't used to have those burn marks on it.

Charlotte 2008

James and I went to Charlotte, NC for the Memorial Day weekend and it was Awesome! I always love visiting North Carolina. Everyone is so nice and the city is beautiful and so clean. Our flight was at 6:54am and we got to the airport at 5:45 and there was already a line out the door! We had a layover in Detroit for 2 hours. It was a really nice airport, I was surprised considering how crappy the city of Detroit is.

Unfortuntely Memorial Day weekend in Charlotte means NASCAR. I have to admit that I have been to a NASCAR track to watch the time trials and it was fun laughting at all the white trash but I could NOT do that for six hours!! All weekend we played the game "Spot the NASCAR fan". It was an easy game. Plus I got to go shopping at Marshall's and Nordstroms. Love it!

This was our first trip down since EJ was born. He's such cute baby. He's not walking just yet, he's trying to though. And he's definitely talking (just he can understand himself though). We watched a lot of Bob The Builder (Bob Ba Ba according to EJ) and Sesame Street.

Which leads me to another point... When did Ernie turn ghetto? He now wears a hat that is sideways, a puffy vest and baggy jeans. Then he broke out in to a rap song about the letter L. I thought it was just early in the morning (8am is early to me) but Rachel said she had seen this episode before. I tried to find a picture of Ernie or a video of the song but no luck. Just keep watching Sesame Street until you see it. I have also caught myself singing the Bob The Builder theme song and the Elmo's World theme song. I'm pathetic. Here are some pictures from our trip, they are mostly of EJ. Go figure.

Congratulations Girl & Jesse!!!

Little baby Ethan Exeter Wright was born on Tuesday May 20th. Congratulations Girl & Jesse!!

The Wii

James has been wanting a Wii for awhile now. And since all of his friends seem to be getting them he wants one even more. I've been fighting it, but secretly I want it too. He he he. The only reason I've been fighting it is because I don't want his friends to come over to play because then I don't get a turn. :( So when James called me yesterday and told me that he was going to buy one I fought with him for a minute and then "gave in". I'm not sure how he hasn't gotten one yet since he works in the Verizon kiosk inside Circuit City, but whatever. Tonight I will be kicking some ass in Badminton.

The Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit

I was ordering a book the other day on Amazon.com to help me pass my notary public test. At the bottom of the screen Amazon has books that they recommend I purchase also. The Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit was one of them. I thought it was hilarious so I bought it along with the notary public book. The book is described as "An A to Z Lexicon of Empty, Enraging, and Just Plain Stupid Office Talk". For all of those who have worked in an office you will find this entertaining. Here are a few of my favorite definitions so far:

Lunch:

1. Midday meal

2. The company-sanctioned period during which you are allowed to leave the building in the name of eating food, but often don't and instead eat in front of your computer out of a cardboard box provided by the cafeteria.

3. If someone asks you to "lunch", they could want any number of things: to pump you for information; talk to you in the hope you can give them a job; talk to you in hope they can hire you away from your current employer; create a friendly relationship with you that you wll serve them in the arena of office politics/create an alliance with you so that they can screw someone else or just bitch off the record.

Boss: 1. A supervisor

2. A person, who through change, a cruel twist of fate, etc., has authority over you and the ability to control you, tell you waht to do, and make you feel like shit, simply because they hired you (i.e., not because they are smarter or can do a better job than you-in fact they may have hired you so you can do their job for them).

3. A person who, during the interview process and you first few days on the job, you covince yourself into thinking is "pretty cool", an idea you get over pretty fast

FYI e-mail:

1. An e-mail sent with the goal of making someone aware of a useful piece of information.

2. An e-mail you send to your boss to serve as evidence that you are working, or more often to give the impression you are working

3. A nastygram received with the alleged purpose of making you aware of a usefull piece of information but is really a way of bitch-slapping you, telling you you screwed up, chipping away at your spirit, depending on the level of humiliation and public floggin the sender would like to inflict, may include a cc.

Office:

1. A room in which an employee conducts official business five days a week.

2. Object of fierce and petty office politics, such as who gets one, who gets one with a window, who gets one in a corner, who is moved out of a cube into one, who has to share one, etc.

3. Possible saving grace, as it provideds employees with some degree of insulation from coworkers and the ability to shut the door to do work on a resume, conduct a job interview over the phone, or have a nervous break down.

4. A place where people engaged in an office romance have sex.

Thanks:

1. An expression of gratitude.

2. Spoken or written by senior staffers when they are given an order; not really a phrase of appreciation or a favor or job done, but a way of punctuating a demand and ending a discussion that never was a discussion in the first place.

3. A subtle bitch-slap in the form of a pleasantry, e.g., "If you are going to be away from your desk for more than fifteen minutes, you need to let me know. Thanks", "That report needs to be completed by Monday first thing. Thanks", "Going forward, I need you to make filing of my personal bills your top priority. Thanks".

My Work Pet Peeves (I have many)

I've been a bit disgruntled at work lately. I think because tax season is over (I work for an accounting firm) and people have more time on their hands to complain and make drama. I want to get some things off my chest before I have a meltdown. Here are some of my pet peeves at work:

#1 - Baby Talk. Such as calling me "Miss Bwookie" or my boss "Little Twommy" or saying stupid shit like "Oh, gimme that bwagel". Excuse me?

#2 - Not working over 35 hours but complaining you are "soooo busy".

#3 - When I am assigned to help you with your work and you don't give me any and then complain to my boss that I haven't been helping out because I don't have ESP and know when you are busy and I don't ask every hour.

#4 - Arguing with the HR Assistant about company policies in front of a new hire.

#5 - Not having any tact. Such as "You need to order new staples. I don't like them and I've heard other people complain too". They are f-ing staples, deal with it.

#6 - Saying stuff like "well I would never make that mistake".

#7 - Not believing me when I say that there is a lunch meeting tomorrow and lunch needs to be ordered, even though I'm in the lunch meeting, then saying "I'm going to need confirmation from Tom (my boss) before I order lunch". Sure, cause I just make this shit up.

#8 - Communicating through Post-it Notes. Just say it, don't leave notes.

#9 - Expecting me to double check expense reports. No, if you want your money you will fill it out right yourself.

#10 - Don't say that you will do something at 8:30am but instead walk around the office talking with people and then at 10:30 ask me if I'm finally ready to go.

#11 - Asking questions in an accusatory way. Such as "Why did you move the shredding bin?" Oh, did you see me move the shredding bin? Because I didn't.

#12 - Using my computer to show me something and then sitting there for a half an hour shooting the shit with the document imaging guy while I stand there not working. Nerd talk is not interesting.

#13 - Telling my boss that "Brooke just doesn't know the program, that's why she doesn't want to do it" when the program is an f-ing waste of time and that's why I don't want to do it.

#14 - Using Word instead of Excel for tables.

#15 - Demanding that Word documents be formatted in centimeters. We aren't Canadian

#16 - People that are so shy they get nervous when you try to talk to them and when you walk by them in the hallway and say Hi they put their head down and stare at the ground and don't say anything.

#17 - Having some words in your e-mail CAPITALIZED. Such as "it's CRUCIAL you are up here at noon"

#18 - Saying the word crucial about the time I need to be up to watch the phones.

#19 - Making me come up to watch the phones at 11:55 instead of noon to watch the phones so you can catch your flight at 2:50.

#20 - Including my boss on e-mails where you are yelling at me for not coming up to watch the phones.

#21 - Complaining that you are sooo busy that we have to have a meeting about what me and my co-worker can do to help but then saying "well I can handle it". What? I thought we were having this meeting because you were saying that you can't handle it.

#22 - Getting work from other people who's desk is completely clean and they are surfing the Internet when I go over to get the work.

#23 - Talking to me in the bathroom.

#24 - Talking to me so close in the bathroom that I can smell your breath.

#25 - Saying we are going "paperless" when that only means that we are still using paper, just now we are having to scan everything into a program. (Yes, the stupid one that doesn't work)

#26 - When I call a client to see why they haven't paid their bill and the wife telling me (for a bill that was dated 10/07) "well my mother-in-law passed away last month and so we won't be paying our bill this month" So I ask "when can we expect payment" she tells me "when I'm done grieving". I'm pretty sure that's not how things work.

#27 - Not showing up for work until 11am.

#28 - Not showing up for work until 11am and we had a meeting at 10am.

#29 - Having charges to Victoria's Secret on your credit card each month that I have to reconcile for company expenses.

#30 - Everytime you come over to my desk you tell me "It's freezing over here". Yeah you said that the last time you were over here. I'm trying to make it so cold you don't come back over here.