Greatest Website EVER!

http://www.yearbookyourself.com/

Twelve Hours In A City

I read about these fellas in the Buffalo News on Sunday and their adventure sounds pretty amazing. They took advantage of the Jet Blue jet-away deal that offered fliers the chance to fly anywhere and as many times as they like for $599 from Sept 8th to Oct 8th. These four dudes decided one night to take up the offer and fly to 28 cities in 31 days. Their average time in each city is 12 hours, hence the name of their "group" and website. So check it out! It's pretty cool to follow along. They've been featured in the Buffalo News and CNN. Here is their website, their article in the Buffalo News, and CNN.

Webster's New World Secretarial Handbook

Here is a little background of how I found this enlightening piece of work. For the past month our receptionist has been out "sick". She had, what I call, a psychotic episode. This woman is a nut job, certifiably crazy. The first Friday of August she found out her friend was sick and she had a nervous breakdown. Well, that's what Dr. Brooke has diagnosed her with. So while she's been enjoying the ENTIRE month of August off, me and my two co-workers have been taking turns every single day watching the devil's invention called the telephone. The person who coined the phrase "The customer is always right" was either high or stupid. Anyway, enough ranting. I found the book when I was organizing the reception area, or what you'd call "a disaster area". This woman is the most unorganized human being on the face of this planet. I think one day I will see her on the TV show "Hoarders".

While flipping through this masterpiece I found a few helpful tips for the New World Secretary. These tips will help him/her succeed in the high paced, fairly complicated world that is known as an office. Before I start off describing these secrets of a secretaries job (I think a monkey could do that job) let me say that this book was published in 1981. So here are a few excerpts I found that might be useful.

To begin the book describes a secretary as being responsible for carrying out the executive's wishes, or being one's bitch.

The tools of the profession

Keyboarding, shorthand, transcription, filing, office procedures, and knowledge of word processing systems and equipment are the skills for which the secretary was hired.

How the Secretary's day should be organized:

1- Prepare the afternoon before by making a list of the executives appointments for the next day.

2- Conclude the day by turning off equipment and clear your desk so that the maintenance staff will be able to work.

3- In the morning the office must be ready to function at whatever time it opens, and the secretary should be at work in the office, not returning from the washroom or talking in the next office.

4- The previous afternoon the secretary should have made a list of tasks for the following day by using techniques of time management. Tasks fall into three categories: those that must be done immediately, those that may be done, and those that may be put off.

5- The memo pad is very important. The secretary must keep track of the employer's appointments and maintain a filing system.

6- Keep an appointment book. The appointment should be entered under the day and the hour agreed upon by the person requesting it and the secretary. If the appointment is canceled, arrangements for a new appointment should be made immediately.

7- Develop a familiarity with sources of information. The secretary would do well to become familiar with the area's Yellow Pages and with various sources of information listed in the section on reference materials.

Office Equipment and Supplies: Photocopiers

The photocopier is perhaps the most commonly used office machine for reproducing documents. After a document is printed, additional copies are generally photocopied unless multiple originals are needed. This frees the printer for additional jobs.

Communication Techniques: Telegrams

A telegram is a message sent via a Telex network to someone without a Telex-receiving piece of equipment. The intermediary connection is Western Union, which receives the message by telephone or Telex. After the message is received, Western Union calls the recipient, reads the text, and sends a printed copy if requested.

The Telephone

Despite the vast number of devices, methods, and alternatives for communicating information, the telephone remains the most popular means of communication. Since the telephone is such an important communication device, it is essential that the secretary use it to maximum effectiveness and be familiar with its peripheral equipment.

Taking Messages

In recording the call, the secretary should indicate the the time the call was received; the name, business affiliation, and telephone number of the caller; and the message. If the message is from an out of town caller, the area code or the telephone operator's number should also be recorded, so that the executive can return the call in a short time and without confusion. Be patient and pleasant but persistent. Ask the caller to spell out both first and last names if necessary. If numbers are involved, repeat the sequence for verification. When a call is taken, the "phone message" slip should be placed on the executives desk immediately. At the completion of the call, indicate readiness to terminate the conversation by summing up the details. Use the caller's name when saying a pleasant "Goodbye". It is courteous to wait for the caller to terminate the call first; the secretary who is too hasty in hanging up the receiver may cost the firm money. The receiver should be placed gently in it's cradle, for the pleasantest "goodbye" can be spoiled by jarring the sound of the receiver dropped into position. It is like slamming the door after a visitor. Do not hang up until your caller has done so first.

Keys To Time Management:

1- Analyze the way you use time now

2- Live with a schedule

3- Work with a "to do list"

4- Hesitate to take on other's responsibilities

5- Handle the mail efficiently

6- Learn to use the phone efficiently

7- Avoid costly interruptions

8- Keep your desk neat and clean

9- Your filing system should be a help, not a hindrance

Office of the Future (The Secretary in 2020)

1- Every secretarial desk will have a personal computer or terminal

2- Personal computer networks will allow worldwide communication

3- The most important function of the secretary will be managing information systems.

4- Computerized filed will have created the paperless office

5- Technical skills will be more important than personal skills

This book also has a list of foreign currencies, dialing codes, distances - air and road, calendar time, US holidays, foreign travel tips, a list of dictionaries, astronomy signs, zodiac signs, biology signs, roman numerals, and weather signs.

After reading this 691 page doozie I feel that the person who wrote it is a complete buffoon.

If you've ever worked in an office...

then you know how important it is to have a full pot of coffee at all times. And how angry some people can get when they go to get their morning fix and all is left is a few drops of the good stuff. Lately at work people have been disregarding the unspoken rule that you make a new pot if you take the last of the coffee. Some of my co-workers bring their foul moods from home into work and think they can just spew filth out of their mouth on to a sign telling others to make more coffee. These so called "signs" are not polite what-so-ever. My friend Kelly and I decided we were done with the passive-aggressive sign-makers. I had read about this website called Stripgenerator where you can make your own comic strip. We, or mostly Kelly, came up with a knock knock joke to lighten the mood and maybe remind or co-workers that everyone enjoys a full pot of coffee. (Note: knock knock jokes are supposed to be bad, we aren't frickin' geniuses) (If you are blind like me and need the strip to be a little bit bigger, go here)

MJ Tribute by the C

My good friend Jimmy C has become obsessed with Michael Jackson's music since he died. He bought the 20th Anniversary CD that was released and he keeps it in his car so he can bring it anywhere. On top of that, any place we go with a jukebox he will request all Michael Jackson songs. Last night at the Deuce I gave him $5 to play music and guess what, he played all MJ songs. It was a fun filled night that consisted of every MJ song available being played, accompanied by some outrageous dance moves and a hula hoop performance.

Mark & Mo

A couple weeks ago we had the pleasure of attending our friend's Mark and Maureen's wedding. The ceremony was at the Rose Garden in Delaware Park and it all started off with this...

It only got better from here!

Anthony Bourdain, you fool.

Last night on tv I watched Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations on the Travel Channel. I usually like him because 1) he's blunt, which means 2) he says whatever he feels like, 3) travels around with a drunk Russian who is funny and 4) usually visits some pretty cool places. Well, last night's episode was about the Rust Belt and included visits to Baltimore, Detroit, and Buffalo. I was very disappointed with the portrayal of Buffalo, even though I think the city is a hole.

And here's why:

Everyone knows, or should know, Detroit and Buffalo are comparable to 3rd world countries, at least parts of the cities are. Other parts can be ok (I'm not going to say nice) and yes, the "Rust Belt" is a good reference. This show did not show any of the "nicer" parts of the city. First of all they came in January, the bleakest time of the year. Buffalo has many, many huge trees that decorate the city but we did not get to see them. They showed the old General Mills silo that has been shut down for years, among other closed down buildings.

This is one of the reasons I dislike the city, the numerous empty houses/buildings. But on the opposite of the spectrum, there are many houses/buildings that have been preserved and are very nice. Such as:

Frank Lloyd Wright's Martin House

Louis Sullivan's Guaranty Building

Henry Hobson Richardson's Buffalo State Asylum for the Insane

Alfred T. Fellheimer & Steward Wagner's Central Terminal

Yes, most of the city is very old and run down. But some of it has been restored. Instead of showing these architectural goldmines, they show the dingy, beat down part of the city.

The next reason I did not like the show was because of the places he chose to eat. Yes, Buffalo is known for the Buffalo Chicken Wing and all sorts of pizza. There is even a Chicken Wing Festival every year. The birthplace of the Buffalo is the Anchor Bar, which in my opinion doesn't even have the best chicken wings in town. But Anthony didn't even dine on any chicken wings. Come on! The places he did choose to dine aren't even the best places to eat in town. He went to Schwabl's for Beef on Weck and Ulrich's for Liver Dumpling Soup. Really? This is what you choose to eat?!

He could have had:

A Chicken Finger Sub from John's

Wings from Duff's

Beef on Weck from Charlie the Butcher

Not to mention anything on the menu at Pearl Street

or Fat Bob's

And finally, the last reason I was upset with this show is the fact that the only reason they came to Buffalo was because some weird ass, washed out, rocker dude made a video telling Anthony Bourdain how much he loved him and wanted him to visit Buffalo. Wouldn't you find this kind of creepy? This dude, Nelson Starr (obviously a fake name, he couldn't come up with a better rocker name?) took Anthony and Zamir to Nietzche's on Allen Street to hear his band play. This could possibly be the trashiest/dirtiest bar/club in Buffalo. Nice way to show off the city you love. I was excited to see the show and in the end I was very upset with Anthony Bourdain. But, I guess I shouldn't be upset with him, he doesn't know any better. This rocker wannabe, Mr Starr, has ruined it.

Officially White Trash

Our downstairs toilet has always been a pain and in need of some serious repair. When we moved in it wasn't even turned on so I doubt the old bag who lived there before us was using it. This is because it barely flushes anything without clogging and afterwards you have to stand and wait for the tank to fill so you can turn off the pump or else it will run. Well one day a couple weeks ago I used the bathroom (just #1) and the water wouldn't go down. So I left because I obviously knew James had clogged it and he needed to fix it himself. The next day he decides that instead of plunging it, he'll just keep flushing it until it over flows. And that's just what it did. There was an inch of water in the bathroom and it was leaking into the basement. The only thing I could think to do was turn the water off at the bottom of the toilet. I told James he needed to have a plumber come while he was on vacation the next week. He had 7 full days of vacation, he did not go anywhere or do anything, but still managed to not call a plumber. This is pretty sick, but when I got home from Utah the bathroom had begun to stink. I was fed up with this so I made an appointment with Roto Rooter for later in the week. I guess this was James's breaking point because he decided he wanted a new toilet and was going to do it himself. I was very nervous for this but he insisted he could do it. After about 4 hours and 3 trips to Home Depot it was complete. It flushes, doesn't clog, and hasn't leaked, yet. But until the garbage gets picked up on Tuesday, we are officially white trash.

Tank! What the hell, man?

Tank has reverted back to peeing and pooping in the house. He has decided going outside is not for him. This has recently developed since I got back from Utah. There were some instances where he would sneak upstairs to poop in James's closet, but that is nothing compared to what he's been doing the past few days. What usually happens is in the morning I will let him out and he'll go #1 and then come back in, get a treat, run around and then stand by the door again and go #2. This is because fat ass knows he'll get a treat every time he goes outside. Then throughout the day he'll stand by the door to go out or I'll decide he needs to go out. In the past 3 days he has gone #1 three times upstairs, one time in the kitchen while the door was open so he could go out, and has also gone #2 twice upstairs. I've yelled at him (a few expletives here and there) but now I'm so appalled all I can muster out is "Tank! What the hell man?". James told me this morning this is all my fault because I baby him. I asked for examples of situations where I baby him. All he could come up with is "You pick him up". Ok, I won't do that anymore, what else? "That's all I can think of". Oh, ok, so it's all my fault but you can't tell me why. Thanks asshole. So how do I get this SOB to start doing his business outside again?

Sawing Logs

Pugs, because of their flat face and lack of a nasal cavity, tend to snort more than other dogs, may sound like a pig once in a while and even snore. Well my man Tank is no different. Usually, when Pugs get to be on the "fatter" side, the snorting and the snoring get much worse. My other Pug, Cieta (who was double the weight she was supposed to be), snored horribly loud when she slept. And Tank's girlfriend Bella snorts all day long. Tank is still on the "leaner" side, against the wishes of James who says "let's bulk him up so people just know his name is Tank". But instead, Tank enjoys eating green peppers with his breakfast as well as Weight Watchers string cheese and the occasional piece of lettuce. I don't believe Tank will be "bulking up" any time soon. Anyway, Tank likes to sleep on his back, which is just weird to me, and it causes him to snore quite loudly. I decided the other night to video this because one, I think it's hilarious and two, most people don't believe it could be that loud. The video starts off dark because I had to hide it behind the pillows or the sound of the camera would wake him up.